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Bi-Sexual vs. Bi-Gendered
Gender expression and sexual expression (orientation) are not the same! My partner is bi-gendered - I still love her - does that mean I am bi-sexual?The answer depends on how you define bi-sexuality. If you define a bi-sexual as someone who can't make up their mind whether to sleep with a man or a woman, then the answer is no. If you define a bi-sexual as someone who can love and be attracted to a person independent of gender, then the answer is yes. Sexual attraction is very complicated. Some of it is based on cultural expectations, but far more is based on personal expectations. It's clearly not completely based on birth gender. If one surveys people about what they find attractive or valuable in a partner, then their answers are remarkably similar regardless of gender or orientation. Intelligence, humor, kindness, sensitivity, empathy etc. generally rank much higher than large breasts or a large penis when it comes to choosing a partner. And yet, with the exception of self proclaimed bisexuals, most partners have a tough time with this. A partner who recognizes that a large part of the person they love is not just their birth gender is forced to face another fact about themselves. How much of their love and attraction is based on the spiritual gender of their lover? By example: A genetic female partner is attracted to a M2F bi-gender. En homme, he may represent all the qualities that she finds attractive (including having a penis). These qualities may include loyalty, intelligence etc. But do the qualities of humor and kindness generate from the en femme part of the M2F? What if the truly attractive qualities of the M2F are fully contained in her en femme persona? These are complex issues and regrettably, most counselors are ill equipped to help resolve them. But dialogue helps: Please post your comments to the community.
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